so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
