I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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