i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
