Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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