I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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