Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
