when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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