I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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