If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
