At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He passed out mid-signature
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
