She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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