she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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