she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
