ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
