She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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