did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
