and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
