I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
