I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
