$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
