woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Come on in and take your pants off
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