I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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