I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
