When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
