Swine flu. Run for my life!
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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