I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
