You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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