Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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