I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
