well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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