didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
is wine microwaveable?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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