pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
