just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
