Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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