I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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