who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize