my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
