she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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