we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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