Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
