Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
