I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
