Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
