My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
