dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
