Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize