A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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