Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
