Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
