Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
