we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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