ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
