Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
