I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I currently don't understand fingers.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
