Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
