I will die if light touches me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Enjoy the penises
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
