You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
