I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize