i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
