please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
