Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
