I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
