...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I bet he comes in French.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
