Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
