at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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