how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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