Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
