Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
