My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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