Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
