I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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