Porn is love you can see.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
