Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
