I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
