i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
