Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
